Recently I have been feeling let down by the Baby Boomer Generation. They were there to help me learn to tie my shoes, write an essay in French, manage my checkbook, and apply for a job. Teachers, parents, my friend’s parents. It felt as if there were a net of adults helping me along my way. But as I near forty, it seems as if all that guidance has fallen by the wayside.
PROFESSIONAL
I recently finished Carol Dweck’s Mindset. Wow. She describes some bosses and managers who are so inspirational. They surround themselves with the best talent they can find and hope that they, along with the employees will all learn in this type of environment. They understand that mistakes are part of the learning process and encourage innovation. She describes managers with a fixed mindset on the other hand, who surround themselves with incompetent people and squeeze out those who really know their stuff. The focus of those with a fixed mindset is on preserving their own superiority. This is often accomplished by putting others down.
A person in a management position has such potential to be a positive influence in people’s lives. They can encourage, inspire, and promote and atmosphere of learning. They mentor others and help them reach their professional goals. I want to work for someone who encourages me to do my best and appreciates my efforts to extend myself in new ways. It saddens me that I haven’t yet had the opportunity to work for someone like this.
I do have one professional mentor who has been a guide for many years. She shows me possible next steps, shares her wisdom and experiences. She has been a guide from my early years in my career through to present day where I am now looking to change directions and move onto a different arena in the field of education. I am grateful to her guidance. She never was my manager but is a more experienced teacher who has been willing to share her experiences with me.
PARENTING
Another area where I would like some guidance is in the arena of parenting. I would love to hear from some old hands about their parenting experiences. My parents are strangely silent on the issue. I think they don’t want to influence me but truly, I’d rather hear 100 stories and draw ideas from them, than none. Most people I know are in the throes of parenting young children but it would be great to hear from those with more perspective. We have the close-up right now and I’m sure there are pieces we cannot see because we are so close to it.
MARRIAGE
How about the issue of marriage? As I look around I only find one Baby Boomer I know who is still married. A little guidance here, please. Modeling? Some advice? None.
Most people I know of my generation are married. I think getting married was a leap of faith on our parts. We have a desire to not end up divorced like our parents. But it will be challenging to maintain strong relationships without models of how to do so. I have learned a great deal about the emotional path of families involved in divorce. I’d rather be learning about the path of families that stay together.
LOOKING AROUND FOR MENTORS
How about some guides from the public sphere? The Obamas hold promise. Michelle is well educated, raising young children, and reaching out to others. But I keep waiting for the other shoe fall for some reason. I hope it doesn’t. Hillary Clinton? I heard her speak in college and she moved me to tears. She was such an inspiration but then I disagreed with some of her positions that would affect mothers and families. Who else? My mother in law suggested that perhaps we cannot look to public figures as mentors. She suggested I look to people who are less well known and are perhaps humming along in their own quiet way following their values and inspiring those around them. My next step is the biography section of the library. Perhaps I can find a bit of guidance there.
Part of me wonders if this is just what happens at midlife, that one’s relationship to other adults shifts. One realizes that all adults are flawed and one starts to find guidance from within. But then I think it just cannot be true. There have to be elders to look up to and admire throughout life. There will always be those who are older and could share a nugget of wisdom or two.
I was recently asked, “Who are your mentors?” and “To whom are you a mentor?” As a teacher I have thought that I was doing my job but also doing community service at the same time. I don’t have time or energy to do more with kids outside of school. But now I am thinking that there is even more I could do in the classroom. I have been teaching kids how to spell and borrow and carry but have I been doing enough to model for them what it means to be a person of integrity? To carry oneself in a respectful manner? To make hard decisions, which are sometimes unpopular? To be a good friend? These are the pieces that are harder to teach. Students won’t pick these up playing an educational game in their free time at home. Perhaps they are more important to teach than the next lesson on fractions.
So, with the new year upon us, I ask you, “Who are you mentors?” and “To whom are you a mentor?” What can you do to share your life knowledge with others? We will build stronger connections, communities, and people if we start to think about these questions. I have made a new year’s resolution to find some mentors for myself and to reach out to some who need mentoring.
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